Apple's iPad is an iFail

Apple. Hey. What’s up. Uhhh… I don’t know if you know this or not, but uhhh… the “You’re Doing it Wrong Award” is NOT an award that you want hanging on your fridge at home. Just to be clear. Because… uhhh… you were the last to get it with your pointless next-generation iPod Shuffle and you seemed to have done it again with the… (this has to be a joke)… iPad.

Unfortunately the market has been hit with yet another pointless product. The iPad. Now, this failure is on a completely different level then that of the previous iPod Shuffle. The iPod Shuffle was a refresh to a product and market that already existed, and while the refresh didn’t make any sense, it still played within its own bounds in the already limited market it was in. However, Steve Jobs at his keynote yesterday stated that the iPad is a whole new category, a whole new market. A whole new market of fail.

However, that’s not the only thing. The iPad itself fails as a device, carrying over preexisting pitfalls from the iPhone and iPod Touch that are just increased in magnitude along with the increase of the screen as well as new pitfalls that are inherent to the device all together. In our exploration of the fail that is Apple’s new product, we will go through the failures of the iPad as well as the market Steve Jobs and the rest of Apple have tried to create. As a disclaimer, in general I don’t like Apple at all, but I will try to be as objective as possible. My claims will be warranted.

First, the iPad is only a bigger version of the iPod Touch. It has a 9.7” screen, some speakers, headphone input, dock connector, wireless 802.11n connectivity, and for some extra money and signing over your soul to AT&T you can get a theoretical 3G connection (Everyone knows that AT&T’s 3G doesn’t actually exist, no one is able to observe it due to its poor infrastructure). Now, being a bigger version of the iPod Touch also means problems with the iPod Touch are only bigger as well. The operating system is the same thing. There are minor tweaks, using the extra space in some Apple applications, allowing for a background picture in the home screen, but as stated these are all minor. When trying to “wake” the device, one can see how unimaginative the device is. The elements are the same size as they were on the iPod Touch… making the device look hauntingly and dissatisfying empty. So much empty space.

The bad taste that the lock screen leaves in my mouth is found all around the iPad. The search area uses the same size search box as it does on the iPod Touch. The keyboard isn’t any different; it’s just an uber-upscaled version of the keyboard on the iPod Touch that looks mighty awkward to type on. The feeling that is left by the iPad is a feeling of laziness. It is as if Apple needed to make a new device but couldn’t bring them selves to do any of the work. A giant iPod Touch is just going to try and ride the success of the iPhone and iPod Touch. It won’t have any thunder of its own. It has the potential to be… but it seems like Apple never got around to doing so.

The hardware under the hood is only slightly different. However, the difference is quite interesting. Apple has created an in-house chip that is supposed to be quite fast a low power. The only thing is, that the chip goes to waste. There is no multitasking since it’s the same operating system. (If anyone even dares to talk about listening to music while in another application, I will punch you in the face and punch the face of your first born. Stop being dumb.) Sure, there is a minor boost when surfing the web, but… that’s all it does. Make web surfing a bit faster. I’m sure glitches involving the iPod Touch will reoccur on the iPad, including not being able to get the Quicktime overlay to either appear or go away when watching a video. For $500 I can get the same exact product that actually fits in my pocket and not miss a single thing. In fact, I can get a higher capacity. If I want the 3G connectivity, I could just got get an iPhone for less and pay for data that way. The iPad’s existence doesn’t make any sense.

However, the iPad doesn’t just leech off of the problems of the iPod and iPhone, it also brings its own problems to the table. The first being that it is angled as an ebook reader. Before you say anything, it’s not an e-ink display. It’s LCD. That would destroy my eyeballs. Absolutely destroy them. Not only that, Apple thinks it’s being revolutionary and helpful by adding small little graphical “enhancements” to the ebooks. I wouldn’t care so much if the enhancements were actually enhancements. Unfortunately, all it is is that it creates a graphical representation of turning a page, the side of the page following your finger if it presses the screen. That doesn’t improve my reading experience. That only annoys the crap out of me. I don’t want to do that, I don’t want the graphical representation; I don’t want an LCD ebook reader. That’s why I have a Kindle. Now, looking at the comment sections of different websites, many try to respond to the criticism of the iPad by saying that the reviewer is just not the intended market for the device. Bull Shit. Who is the market then? Magical elves of Middle Earth?

This leads us to the next level of fail that the iPad occupies. In the keynote, Jobs states that the iPad will be its own new category which will compete with netbooks. Separate from a smartphone, yet separate from a laptop computer. The iPad is a supplementary device. That’s ok, so is the iPod Touch, however that means it needs to have a new feature that isn’t available on the other platforms. That’s ok as well, even Jobs admitted to that. The problem is that Apple doesn’t deliver. It is a complete replica of the iPod without the portability. The only thing is has going for it is the web browsing. I’m not going to pay $500 for a web browser. Screw that. In fact, in some ways its web browsing experience isn’t as good as the iPod because of the portability. Apple is trying to create this new market that doesn’t actually exist and never will exist. There is no reason to get the device. At all.

The next problem stems from a problem tablets have in general. They can’t be supplement devices. They have to be replacements to conventional computers. If it becomes just a scaled up version of a smaller device, all the appeal goes away. The iPod Touch had once appealed to me because it was portable, I could have a browser in my pocket. With the iPad doing the same thing with less portability, it loses all appeal. I may as well and take out my laptop that can browse the web better than both of them. While Apple tried to remedy the problem of having conventional full blown OS’s on tablets which make an awkward experience by placing the iPhone OS on the device, it creates more problems than it solves. It’s an iPod without the appeal of the iPod, and without the power of a full blown computer. This is why tablets will always fail until these problems are fixed.

In conclusion, the iPad is a device that shouldn’t exist and tries to create a market that never will exist or expand. Not only that, but it shows the same laziness that was brought about by the newest iPod Shuffle. The device will never have a place. And that is why I must give Apple the “You’re Doing it Wrong Award.” Please. Please. Please. Don’t make me give you another one. I hate you enough as it is. But then again, Apple never listens to me.

Buttonless iPod Shuffle

Introducing a new section: The “You’re doing it wrong” Award! People want to AVOID getting this award, as it signifies that Fail is on their doorstep. Today, our target is surprisingly Apple (/sarcasm).

On Wednesday, Apple released its newest iteration of the iPod Shuffle. It’s smaller than a AA battery and has 4 GB of storage and absolutely no buttons. You heard me, no buttons. Just a 3.5mm headphone jack that’s pointless and a 3 mode switch, Normal-Shuffle-Off. This new iteration really has me perplexed and I’m starting to wonder if they’ve gone eccentric over there at Apple Computers. What happened to the perfectly good buttons? And now the size has gotten to a ridiculous small scale, it’s almost asking me to lose it in my couch. Here I’m going to examine what exactly gives this mp3 player its fail-stench, from the design and the size to the concept of a device controlled by another device using Morse code.

To truly see how Apple “did it wrong”, we must look to the actual purpose of the iPod Shuffle. Most buy the product because they want an inexpensive player either to supplement their preexisting player or for their main music player to play a couple of tunes now and then, and you usually see people sporting an iPod Shuffle when they are exercising. Keeping this in mind, we look to previous iterations of the device. The simple circle button layout is great for easy and quick access, and anyone could pick up the device and know what to do with it if they haven’t been under a rock for the past decade. Switching songs on the device can become almost second nature, and its great while on a jog. This said we can now examine why the new Shuffle will not meet the needs of the purpose of its predecessors.

First off, we will look at the design, similar in size to a stick of gum, the iPod Shuffle is one of the smallest players I’ve EVER seen. However I could say that about the previous iPod Shuffle as well. What’s the point of making it even smaller and smaller? While it’s amazing that they could cram everything into a small package, I’m not sure I’d want it that small. The previous Shuffle was a perfect size, small enough to fit in your pocket yet the shape made it noticeable if it tried to slip out; it clipped onto clothing well and was easy to get at. However, with the new Shuffle it could slip out of my pocket as easy as a stick of gum often does .While it is a plus that the clip is now stainless steel, why not just add that to the previous model with the storage boost? In fact, the new Shuffle reminds me of the very first one, only without those useful buttons.

Ah yes, the buttons. Remember those? Those functional things that we used to use, those methods of inputs that seemed so straight forward. Ah, but alas, the minds at Apple say that those are methods of the past and we must move forward. However, move forward to what? It seems that the minds over at Cupertino don’t know where exactly to go. First it was the scroll wheel, then touch screens, and now single button combination presses. While the scroll wheel worked for some, it didn’t exactly make much sense (menus go up and down last time a check) but it worked. Touch screens were brilliant and the best move Apple as ever made. But Morse code? I don’t know if that even makes sense. It removes the simplicity that was liked by so many. There isn’t much to say because the idea itself is so out there. This type of input method is clumsy, messy, and doesn’t make the cut for a clean device. The only thing going for it was the idea of location the controls closer to the body and not to whatever article of clothing the iPod Shuffle is clipped to. However there is a problem causing that one benefit to be stomped all over on.

The main use of the Shuffle is to listen to tunes while working out or on a jog. The headphones that come with Apple devices are not suited for this purpose. Short of standing exactly still, the little buggers are guaranteed to fall out and are even worse when exercising. But that was ok before, because one can just put the headphones of choice into their iPod and everything worked fine. However, that was shattered by this “update” in the Shuffle line. Because of the bud that allows you to actually USE the device is located on the headphones themselves, switching to a new pair would render your new shinny $70 iPod Shuffle useless. The solution? A dongle that can be plugged in which contains the bud, and we all know how absolutely popular with the public the concept of a dongle is. However this dongle will cost extra, and completely destroys the only good thing good thing going for the device. The controls are now located right at the iPod, no more convenience. Just excessive use of “Morse code”. Sounds great, doesn’t it? Fail.

In conclusion, the iPod Shuffle (in its current iteration) is complete and utter failure. Apple, you are doing it wrong. First it destroys the very purpose for getting a Shuffle and then destroys the purpose of the new control scheme. And before my nonexistent readers start yelling: “You haven’t even tried it yet!” I don’t care. The principle behind the new Shuffle is absolutely dumb. An action without intent is pointless, just ask Immanuel Kant. This merits the “you’re doing it wrong” award. Please don’t make me give you another one.

• Add/Remove apps
• Config.txt repair utility
• Help document
• Custom listbox that displays program icons
• Buttons to Documents, Pictures, Videos, and Music folders
• Run feature (uses explorer)
• “-shell” command for run feature (forces the use of shell)
• Minimize to system tray

Now onto features yet to come. First is a search feature that searches within the Documents, Pictures, Videos, and Music folders. That feature might take a bit to implement due to the nature of my custom listbox. The next feature is the ability to sync to Google Docs. This feature will probably be written by Nathaniel (person who created the GUI) if he gets un-lazy. If he takes too long then I’ll do it. Another might be the option to get smaller if minimizing to the system tray causes issues.

So that’s what’s being worked on here at the Robert Project Vault regarding USB Mobile 3. Stay around, I might unveil plans for a game soon.

Current Build of USB Mobile 3

The first thing is whether Android’s open nature will be a negative or not. As I heard from an episode of Cranky Geeks, some think that the creation of applications will be done to the “lowest common denominator” of hardware. If this operating system can go on almost any phone, there is bound to be design limitations considering the size of the screen, method of input, and the processing power of the phone. Even though this is a very good argument, I the industry will eventually balance its self out. More and more phones are becoming touch screen, and features like 3G and faster processors are becoming givens. With that said, Android might have a rocky start until the self-standardizing process gets into a stronger run.

Next on my list is how fast this will become mainstream. To us techies, Android sounds like developer heaven, but how will the average person view it? Does the public really care that it’s based on a Linux kernel with a java layer? Probably not. Google and other companies part of the Open Handset Alliance will have the problem of marketing Android to the public. So my phone is running Android, so what? I’m going to imagine that it will take some time for the public to even comprehend the positive aspects of Android. Unfortunately, the public is pretty uneducated in terms of tech.

That’s really the major things I’d like to point out, everything else has already been floating around the internets. I hope all of you are just as psyched for the launch of Android as I am! Google for the win!!

I’m sorry in advanced, but this is going to be a rant based post. My iPod Touch crashed to the point of needing a reboot yet again. Everyone thought that after 2.1 Apple would finally get it right, and apparently they failed us again. I’m going to warn you, that I actually dislike Apple as a company, and the only thing I think they got right is the Touch. So if you are a fan boy, just go elsewhere, I could care less about your complaints about my personal preference.

This is basically what had happened, I was sitting on my couch and pulled out my touch wondering if Google News updated. After “waking” and unlocking the device I opened Safari, and pecked away at the keyboard (which is quite nice by the way… when it’s not lagging, that is). The Google News page started to update and I started my scrolling through the headlines. Oh great, it froze after 3 seconds of use. Does my iPod just hate me? I let the device sit there for 10 minutes, yet still no dice. I tried pressing the home key, the sleep button, even pressing them at the same time. In the end I had to resort to a hard restart. But it didn’t stop there…

Upon restarting I notice that my entire history is completely gone. Well that’s just great, but it’s not the end of the world… not quite yet anyways. I instantly get a notification from my iPod saying the battery has hit the 10%. This is just close to impossible, I’m sure the Large Hadron Collider has a higher chance of killing us all than having this message appear on my screen. Ok, maybe I should explain… about 5 min before I decided to be a couch potato I just finished charging my iPod. Even with the wifi antenna on for that 10-15 wouldn’t run me from 100% to 10%. It just doesn’t happen.  But the oddities are still to come.

I walk to my laptop and start to charge my iPod, and then start to check Google News on though Chrome. Thirty seconds later my iPod tells me it’s not hungry anymore. Wait what? So it actually wasn’t drained of battery and the OS was just being stupid? I shouldn’t have been surprised on that, but how hard is it to monitor battery data. I’m not asking for the most accurate thing in the world, but I think having a 90% error margin is just tad too high. Apple, just get your act together.

To be honest, that was my first and last Apple purchase. The moment Microsoft creates a touch screen Zune that has web surfing capabilities I’m jumping ship. Or I might stay with my iPod, but run Android on it once someone less lazier then I am figures it out. Then again, if this continues I might just do it myself.

The software necessary for cloud computing is essentially more needed on the server side. Most models we see today are web-based, and actual software clients are well on their way. Microsoft’s newest project, code named Midori, is said to be built around the idea of the cloud. What is needed on the server-side is a standard firmware, where companies could add features to the basic firmware. This forces companies to be innovative to be competitive, thus making the best experience for the end user.

But with all this content we need better ways to deliver it. Current speeds and availability of a reliable connection doesn’t look too good, and with Comcast imposing their ridiculous caps on users, innovation is taking a hit. An alternative is a cellular data card, like an EVDO rev.A data card. The problem is that speeds aren’t always the best, and a 6GB cap is even worse, but by far the worst part is cost. Sixty dollars a month is a ridiculous amount of money for a measly 6 GB of mediocre speed, even if we do get internet virtually anywhere. Although things are looking up, with Verizon Communication’s new FIOS networks, promising up to 20 mbps of goodness. Cellular and traditional cable-type internet providers need to up the performance and keep the prices low, or else innovation will have nowhere to go.

So with new technologies on the horizon, things are looking up for the cloud. The main issue remains though, a business model. Without a proper business model cloud computing might never take off; no money, no service. Also people might be a little hesitant to put all their data on the cloud with privacy constantly taking blows in this new age of tech. I per pose a slightly different type of the cloud, where we each get our own. Self contained “clouds” could create a great market. If there software plays out like mentioned earlier, companies could make money by selling software for consumer mini-clouds. ISPs could charge for a specialized service just for cloud servers, which would be easily identifiable if there was a standard. People would feel more secure knowing they are more in control over their personal data, and surely pay for software and better connections for their server.

Cloud computing has a chance to take off and become the main way we do computing in the future, but only if the conditions are right. If businesses don’t give a little, they could ruin the whole thing. There is money to be made from cloud computing, but only if you don’t act too greedy (yes, I’m looking at you Comcast). Hardware is cheap, software and better internet connections are on their way and there are many different business models that could work, the conditions are set and it’s just up to how the executives play their cards. Cho0se carefully guys, and don’t ruin a great thing.

This is the first post of The Robert Project Vault Blog! Here there will be various posts mainly revolved around tech news and what I’m currently working on. Well… thats all I have to say! Visit us at the site!
]]> http://robertproject.wordpress.com/2008/09/04/welcome-to-the-robert-project-vault-blog/feed/ 0 robertproject